A loud thunk and the sound of shattering glass had me bolt upright in my chair. I froze and swallowed hard. I quietly eased the recliner footrest down and sat still as a statue, holding my breath and listening.
The partial wall by the front door blocked the view of my kitchen table, which was right under the kitchen window. I slipped out of my recliner and crept quietly into the kitchen. The window was smashed to bits, and on the table beneath it, was a piece of paper wrapped around—what?
I walked with stealth towards the table, my eyes on the floor-full of sparkling shards, and pulled the bundle off the table. It wasn’t the classic rock or brick, but two energy bars, Super Bars to be exact; the dense kind hikers buy that taste like gravel and sawdust. The note was composed of cutout letters on cheap copy paper.
I’lL GeT YoUr SKINnY ButT!!
Okay, clue number one – either the perpetrator himself was massively overweight and therefore considered me skinny, or he was horribly confused.
I did a quick peek through the jagged-edged window, in case the creep was still out there, but all I saw was the disappearing taillights on a monstrous pink and white Rory Kay Cadillac. So, the whole healthy cosmetics people had it in for me now? It’s not enough I’m forty pounds overweight, but my vitamin and skin care regimen doesn’t measure up? Geez. I got a broom…
